I think Chang Mai, for better and certainly for worse, was one of the most interesting experiences we have had since arriving in Thailand. One we won’t soon forget…

We arrived in this Northern Capital of the Chang Mai province after a 17 hour disaster house train ride (see below) from Ayuttaya The city was comfortable and welcoming, and the high country mountain breezes and cool evenings was a welcome retreat from the hot, Southern Stickiness. Chang Mai proper lies in a massive valley surrounded on all sides by towering mountains. The old inner city is still surrounded by an ancient moat with huge brick and plaster gates still visible. We checked in at the Grace Guesthouse on recommendation from our lady friend we met in Ayutthaya. She was right: comfortable and clean rooms in a perfect location, reasonably quiet neighborhood and incredible food, all for a mere 200 baht a night (about 6 usd).

The first night there we had a few drinks at Bee’s Bar, and then headed back to the guesthouse to sleep off the train ride. Bee’s bar was a small pub around the corner from our guesthouse run by a wonderful Thai woman (Bee), a kind and talkative Englishman named Sean, Bee’s boyfriend, and Sak, the cute and friendly bartender who became our best friend and guide for the next week. Being just off the main drag in Chang Mai, Bee’s bar was a welcome reprieve from the westerner filled, over priced night clubs sprinkled all over Chang Mai. These three folks welcomed us in to their little family, showed us around the city, and taught us a thing or two about Northern Thai culture. Not a day went by that we didn’t visit, and not a moment went by that we didn’t enjoy ourselves when with these people. Hopefully some day we will be lucky enough to see them again.

We spent a couple days here and there motorbiking around the city, just lazily exploring whatever caught our eyes. I would say one of our most beautiful days was when we took the scooter up one of the mountains in search of the Doi Suthep Wat, a massive Buddhist temple overlooking the Chang Mai valley. It was touristy as all hell and filled with plenty of French (again, nothing against the French, but I just can’t get over the smell), but no matter because the views were stunning, the Monks were welcoming, and we could have watched the little dancing children for hours. If you ever go to Doi Suthep get there plenty early because you won’t want to leave.

Back in Chang Mai we met up with Sak(pronounced sock) as he became our perfect local contact. He took us all over the city and showed us the local nightlife, the ‘real’ gay clubs, and the various foods we needed try that could only be found in Chang Mai. The gay clubs in Chang Mai are very, very different than those back home. Living in the Bay Area I thought I had seen it all when it comes to gay culture, but boy was I wrong. I would say he took us to about 6 different bars and we had just one drink at each, just enough time to show us the different ‘entertainment’ that was available. I’ll keep this part short as I know many different people are reading this, but here is one example: We walk in to a place called “power boys” which is aimed at primarily entertaining western, wealthy, white men. We were met at the door by an entourage of handsome young thai men and a couple kathooyes (ladyboys, kind of the equivalent of drag queens in the states, but more respected as an art form here) and we were escorted to our seats in front of a large stage. On that stage were three rows of more handsome young thai men who just sort of stood around, looking somewhat bored, and nodding there heads to the music. They wore only underwear and on their underwear they each had a number. The point of the number? Well, if you are interested in one you tell one of the men in your entourage who is serving you to bring you ‘that number.’ You can then order a drink for ‘that number’ and then he sits there with you and entertains you, chats and converses, while you have the drink. When he’s done with the drink he goes back to the stage and takes his place with the rest of the men, who are constantly being replenished by more men at the change of every song. Evidently, though, you can have more than just a drink. It’s all perfectly legal, as long as you have the money, and this is evidently a very common form of entertainment. David and I just sort of sat there with our jaws dropped, amused and slightly uncomfortable, and we promptly requested that Sak take us somewhere else after we finished our drinks.

The next place, Circle Bar, was pretty much the same except everyone was naked. Sigh. Lesson learned: No more gay bars.

We did however go to a place called The Mandalay on Halloween night with Sak and his friends and had an absolutely killer time. The place was about half the size of a football field with maybe 6-story ceilings. Laser shows and loud Thai pop, different people coming by to dance ON your table, pool tables, water features, a mix of gay people and straight people and white folks like me and Thai locals, all the works. We danced all night for sure, but mostly we just sort of looked around in awe. The San Francisco night life seemed like nursery school compared to this. One humorous little moment – It is evidently a common thing when one goes to a restroom in one of these upper-class places that several men come up to you while you are at the urinal or washing your hands and start giving you Thai massage. This is not a ‘gay’ thing at all. It’s just expected to receive a massage on your back, head, and calves while you are…well…doing your business. Of course I didn’t know this, so when I went to the urinal and felt six hands on my back and legs I zipped up and RAN straight for the table and yelled to my new friends, “I was trying to pee and all these guys were trying to grab me!!” Of course Sak and all of his friends laughed so hard they nearly fell over, and told me if I didn’t want the massage to just politely say no. I took their advice and for the rest of the night I peed in peace.

We found out through these pals that in a few days the Loi Kathong festival would begin. Loi Krothong is a Thailand-wide festival celebrating the November full moon, or harvest. In each province it is celebrated in a slightly different way depending on local custom. In Chang Mai tens of thousands of people gather at the river just outside of the old square for 3 days of song and dance, huge elaborate parades, fire dancing, incredible food, and more fire works than we knew even existed. The most amazing thing was the lanterns. People buy these huge lanterns made out of a kind of crepe paper with a candle attached at the bottom. You light the candle, heat up the lantern, and then let it go to float off in to the sky. With tens of thousands of people doing this all at the same time the whole sky was lit up. Plus, people take these little wreaths that sit on a tiny boat made out of banana leaves and flowers, called krathongs, and they light a candle on them and then float them down the river. So the river was all lit up as well mirroring the sky. Evidently you are to put your worries in the krothongs and the lanterns and then float them away. It was 3 days of intense beauty, deafening fireworks everywhere you turn, fighting through hordes of people in search of more delicious food, and complete and severe exhaustion. We felt lucky and grateful to have been a part of it, and we will never do it again.

Chang Mai is a city that finds an excuse to party for any possible reason, and it prides itself on stress-free, easy living. It’s no surprise that we ran in to dozens of backpackers who, on their way to Laos, stopped in Chang Mai and simply never left. 3 or 6 or 10 years later they still can’t manage to move, and I don’t blame them. It’s also a place that plays a bit too much with your head. Everything is in excess and moderation doesn’t seem to be in the Chang Mai vocabulary. Everywhere you look someone seems to be doing something more exciting or more interesting than yourself and it makes you question what the hell you are really doing there. Plus, everyone gets so exhausted just getting to Chang Mai that, once they arrive, they are just too tired to keep on moving. It’s a truly seductive city, and everyone seems to think they have a secret the rest of the world doesn’t quite understand. The mountain air is the best you will find in Thailand, the food is to die for, the people warm and welcoming with an ‘anything goes’ attitude, and somehow it also feels a bit like a prison. I highly recommend you pack your bags NOW and visit the place, but don’t be surprised if you get a bit trapped and never really leave.

For David and I it had a real, and thankfully brief, effect on us. We were exhausted and our heads were constantly floating to the clouds. We were jealous of others and their lifestyle and the atmosphere constantly had us longing for something more and different. The energy there is so powerful we nearly forgot our reasons for traveling together in the first place. Thankfully we escaped when we did, and ran off to Pai (more on Pai soon) to sit under the moon together and reflect on all our Chang Mai deeds and misdeeds.

I’ll miss Chang Mai with all of my heart, and I’m absolutely thrilled to be leaving.

Lessons Learned in Chang Mai:
1 – no more gay bars

Lessons Learned since leaving Chang Mai:
1 – The foundation I have built with David and David with I is more powerful and mysteriously beautiful than any krathong festival, fireworks show, or Chang Mai gay club could ever have to offer. How grateful this trip is having us become…

A Note on the Photos:

As you can see we are lacking in the photos department on this post. We had a couple nights where we forgot the camera, and a couple others where the batter died because we forgot to charge it. Plus, all the clubs and bars don’t allow cameras inside. On top of this, there were days when Chang Mai was really feeling like our home away from home and it simply felt unatural to be busting the camera out. We are learning that sometimes experiencing the moment for the sake of itself will give us a more vivid memory than a picture ever will.

Still, look for MANY more photos in the posts to come..

( in the mean time, enjoy the 30 photos we did snap -D):